Modern football is a cuckoo clock.

 

An old video clip hit my timeline, for obvious reasons.

The comments below the original post were a potent reminder of the sporting impact of football’s Philosopher King. 

 

This was a special “player” and a special man. Sir Alex sums it up best in a letter. How he left so many forever genuinely in his debt!

 

Eric Cantona, with his talent, his unpredictability, his madness, is one of Association Football’s most favourite sons.

Almost makes you weepy to think of the glory of this giant. 

 

Look at him. That magnificent bastard. Collar up like Jimmy Dean. 

In comparison, if we call it as it is, football today is often not an easy watch, especially if you consider yourself in some way a “purist”. How many times do you see players, in the EPL, just woefully untalented in the finest elements of the game?

The assist between the lines; the timing of releasing the ball to the right companion; finding space; rolling off an opponent; anticipating the second ball; decision-making to put the striker in. 

All this is the art of football, and none of it can be, or is, included in today’s sports statistics and data KPIs. It never can be.

Genius is an intangible by definition. 

Just like one can never describe how Leonardo could draw the angel on the left in this masterpiece, The Baptism of Christ. According to lore, his old mentor Verrocchio saw it and never painted again.

Without being overly cruel and naming names, you can see plenty of physical athletic specimens on the football pitches of today. Strong, big, great engine, pace.

But these are guys who can’t actually “play”.

 

They are NOT football “players”.

They are chess pieces in the hands of an elite coach. 

Today’s Sunday Column feels the need today to object. Strongly fucking object. 

Liverpool absolutely mauled Manchester United last weekend, and to be honest, their new coach very much looks the part, in stark comparison to his fellow Dutchman up the road. In football, presence and gravitas in a coach is everything and Ratcliffe needs to make a change. Ten Haag is not the answer. 

Here Arne explains beautifully elite modern football and how it is played. Chess. 

My compliments.

 

But what about the talents?

It leaves anyone, certainly any fan calling themselves a neutral or purist, with an obvious question. 

In this new football, where would Glenn Hoddle play, Kenny Dalglish, Francesco Totti, Roberto Mancini, Ronaldinho, the Laudrup brothers, Riquelme, Le Tissier, even Paul Gascoigne. Would Cantona even get a game? 

That’s not as absurd a question as may first appear, because NONE of these “players” ever wanted to be told where to stand, how and when to run, be given their duties in non-possession etc. Cantona may have even thrown a punch, or a kung-fu kick, at anyone suggesting any of this. 

You don’t ever tell the talent what to do. In any walk of life.

You find them, you motivate them, you incentivise them, and you work out the rest of what needs to be around them. 

In very recent years English football has, in my humble opinion, produced only a couple of these types that have actually raised (my) eyebrows.

Emile Smith-Rowe, and Jack Grealish.

 

Real “players”. You know the type. 

The ones you can see in a game, live or TV, within 5 seconds, who play with elegant balance and movement, who seem to have a different relationship with the ball. Head high, straight back, graceful body shape, eyes scanning the pitch. 

You can tell them a mile away. If you know il calcio.

In around 2001 I took my father-in-law Giorgio to Celtic Park. He was very credible in football, and nearly made it all the way in the pros in Italy, his last port of call being AS Roma. Good player, in a time when Italy and The Grande Inter (Milan) had a clear idea about how the game should be played. 

Some lads defended very hard, some ran, some were there just to put the ball in the net, and then there were the “players” like Luis Suarez, Gianni Rivera.

 

Lubo!

Five minutes in, Giorgio points and asks:

Is that this Larsson?

Henrik Larsson at the time was the only name that had some “brand” outside Scotland. But he was in fact pointing at Lubomir Moravcik, and I was so happy I nearly cried. 

Great great player that Larsson was, Lubo was the talent, pure as the driven snow, and Giorgio saw it immediately. 

 

If you truly love football, spend 30 minutes on YouTube looking at Moravcik videos.

He came to Celtic at 33, the fag end of a career where he had always missed the train to the top clubs, often through over-loyalty. But rest assured that this was a world-class player, the kind Yugoslavia, and its neighbours to the East, have always produced. Modric, Hagi, and the ilk.

The most 2 footed-player I ever saw. Range of passing, and power of shot, equally in both feet. 

One of the best he ever played with.

Now think of ALL the players Larsson has played with, to understand the import of his statement. Lubo was a “player” and in my time I only saw another three of that definition in the Hoops: Dalglish, Paul McStay and Charlie Nicholas. 

Thinking back to the football of today, these types, like Grealish and ESR, have frankly been lobotomised by the modern game. It’s all been coached out of them, by overly-intense managers.

Think of the EPL in this 2024.

 

How many “players” are there? 

And I’m not talking about these wide attacking lads so prevalent these days. A Saka, Trossard, Rashford, Garnacho, Salah, Doku. They are very good, but they aren’t “players”, like Alan Hudson, David Silva, Iniesta, Zola, Platini, Gazza. 

DeBruyne is a “player”. Cole Palmer has the makings of one. Bizarrely, Kai Havertz is a “player” (just not a very good one). 

No, today the game is all about coaching, organised to perfection, with footballers as pawns, all taught to become part, for example, of an “overload” on some part of the field. By definition, winning games by weight of numbers, not superior individual talent. 

That is a major change and it is tragic.

Now, maybe this is the way it needs to be, but it comes with the heavy, heavy cost that perfect organisation and process always demand.

You end up only producing cuckoo clocks.

 

Like Orson Wells says, chaos produces Leonardo and Michelangelo, and this Column today concludes that Association Football has lost its genius and is regressing as a spectator product.

And that’s kind of important to consider. M’Lud we offer Exhibit 1 into evidence.

Go back another 10 years to look at the candidates, and prepare for another shock. The standard and quality of footballer is just materially lower.

No one seems to care.

 

The last Twilight Zone Column asked this. 

In 5 and 10 years, who will be watching us and why, and are they willing to pay for it? In other words, can you envisage a scenario in 5 years where your sport has appeal and a financial model for a world evermore dominated by digital-first Gen Z? 

The product of football risks death by over-coaching, the surgical removal of the off-your-seat unpredictably, in a moment when already it’s hard to keep the attention of some fans for 90m. Many many games for the less-than-totally-committed are easily missable, and you feel no guilt in just picking up the social media highlights later. 

Luckily, in any sport, “product” is only one part of the Holy Trinity that gives it sustainability and appeal. Gives it a future. 

 

Market-fit and business model being the other two.

The business model of football is, today, addicted to the revenues coming from media rights, and Albachiara over the years has spent much ink suggesting that all that was in some danger. Streaming is a low-margin business compared to a Pay-TV cable bundle. No need to repeat. 

The market-fit reflection is today more interesting. 

A good marketeer or analyst will always make an attempt at segmenting the different types of customer/fan following a product, in this case, the most popular sport in the world.

 

Who are the audiences and why? 

 

The non-negotiable legacy fan of his club.

We have all been there. A sense of genuine irrational joy.

This fan will be almost certainly a male. They will be there come hell or high water, and that’s great. But we know that the age demographic of these people is 50+. Old-ish, but they will still be watching and paying for at least another 20 years.

This is the classic cash-cow market. And thank God, it exists. This is our heritage, ask Sean Bean. 

The new young fans.

Gen Z approaches the beautiful game very differently. They are not attracted at all to the televised 90m, but luckily many seem very passionate about the live experience, the opportunity for generational bonding, and the idea of believing in something. A football club tribe.

Maybe, that is because there is precious little else in today’s world that gives them a true sense of belonging.

These kids on the shoulders of dads are therefore more likely to spend money on “match day” than on any IP media access via a screen.  Their thrills are human and in a stadium, so we need to get these young people into grounds as a top priority. Or we will lose their dollar forever.

Dynamic pricing is in vogue. So much utter bollocks talked these days. It’s simple. Do you want to maximise today’s revenues and let the market increase prices as far as demand dictates, or can you keep prices low (artificially) to allow a young person to attend, who then maybe will spend with you for 60 years?

Oasis don’t care about new fans. I’d suggest football clubs absolutely do. It’s a tough balance, but it would be a horrendous error to price out the dad and daughter in this image.

Sadly, football/sport isn’t known for its long-term thinking. I’m pessimistic.

The hate watchers.

This is a relatively new phenomenon, when absolutely supercharged by the brutality of the instant meme. Paddy Power has shown the success of this type of content, laughing at the misfortune and stupidity of rivals and people we don’t like. Watching games to get a chance to immediately slag-off Harry Maguire, Tottenham’s empty trophy cabinet, the Chelsea train wreck. Whatever.

You watch to get a sugar-hit on the misfortune of people you want to see feeling pain. I care nothing, if Celtic wins trophies in Scotland. But I laugh to my soul that Glasgow Rangers never do.

This is a good growing market for football engagement, even if the sustainable monetisation model is still less than clear.

The self-flaggelator.

Akin to the hate-watcher, this is a commercial phenomenon that started only a few years ago with Arsenal TV, and is in full bloom today with the likes of Manchester United  “fan” Mark Goldbridge, making millions expressing “ad-hoc” disgust and rage watching his own team.

A version of the modern fan seems to enjoy this, and the self-punishers have become very famous. Goldbridge originally isn’t even a United supporter, and these people are often despised with a passion by proper blokes.

The Fantasy League obsessives.

Maybe unpalatable, but a huge part of the popularity of the EPL now is from the commitment so many fans have in creating, tweaking, analysing, and changing a fantasy team every day. It’s not really about the merits of the games or players themselves, it’s about the gamification of a sport, and related trash-talking via meme.

This segment cares little if the quality of the game has dropped.

There is a huge untapped opportunity to monetise all this for material gain. Fantasy football is simply huge.

The gamblers.

The money-risking version of Fantasy. An old but ever-growing audience of people using football as a prop to get their thrills. 

Gambling more and more finances sport In Europe, and increasingly in the States as well.

Paddy Power is a bookmaker.

The neutral. the purist. 

This Column is written by one of these people, albeit with a topping of “hatewatcher”.

 

Football is still the Daddy!

Association Football is not in the precarious position of other sports in trying to find the answer to a decaying product/market fit and business model. It is premium tier 1 rights in every domestic market it is played. 

Some could even argue that its connection in popular culture is stronger and wider than ever, and is a central part of the lives of so so many in society. It has audience fan loyalty that is untouchable, regardless of the actual quality of the offering. 

That is true at Glasgow Rangers, Atletico Madrid, Crewe Alexandra and Sampdoria. 

But only the paranoid survive, and there is plenty to be concerned about in our game.

Some say, in fact, that this is the grubbiest moment in the history of Association Football. We all know about the legal cases, and we also can all feel how the refereeing VAR “misunderstandings” are ruining the game. But, mainly, we know that what is going on in the player trading market is absolutely wrong.

Grubby isn’t an adjective that sits well with the beautiful game, but maybe it is only the purist who laments all this. 

 

Maybe. 

It’s like Scorsese complaining about the end of a certain kind of cinema, or true music lovers vomiting all over X Factor “artists”. Someone always needs to call out the facts about diminishing quality over mass-market appeal.

We must never race to the bottom in anything, because there is never any beauty in the lowest common denominator. De facto, it’s commodity and lacking in elitism.

Football, its players, and the 90m themselves, have dropped very significantly in quality, especially in the attacking roles. There is a paucity of talent compared to 30 years ago. 

Once the Manchester United striker was Mr Cantona, now it is Joshua Zirkzee. 

When the seagulls follow the trawler, it is because they think sardines will be thrown into the sea.

– Eric Cantona.

I see very few sardines in the sea these days. 

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